Suspended in a Sunbeam http://parent2.posterous.com The things that have caught my eye, made me smile, made me cry. posterous.com Sun, 16 Sep 2012 00:35:00 -0700 The eyes have it. http://parent2.posterous.com/the-eyes-have-it http://parent2.posterous.com/the-eyes-have-it


on Instagram http://instagr.am/p/PoMUA6mRnG/

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Sat, 15 Sep 2012 14:07:00 -0700 Another self-portrait http://parent2.posterous.com/another-self-portrait http://parent2.posterous.com/another-self-portrait

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Sun, 01 Apr 2012 04:42:55 -0700 Lovely day for watching the Reading Half Marathon. http://parent2.posterous.com/lovely-day-for-watching-the-reading-half-mara http://parent2.posterous.com/lovely-day-for-watching-the-reading-half-mara

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Sat, 31 Mar 2012 10:41:17 -0700 The best cup of coffee ever. http://parent2.posterous.com/the-best-cup-of-coffee-ever http://parent2.posterous.com/the-best-cup-of-coffee-ever

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Tue, 27 Mar 2012 10:39:57 -0700 Beer shadows http://parent2.posterous.com/beer-shadows http://parent2.posterous.com/beer-shadows

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Tue, 27 Mar 2012 04:54:39 -0700 A proper lunch break. http://parent2.posterous.com/a-proper-lunch-break http://parent2.posterous.com/a-proper-lunch-break

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Mon, 26 Mar 2012 12:54:44 -0700 Bon Iver doing one of the best covers ever. http://parent2.posterous.com/bon-iver-doing-one-of-the-best-covers-ever http://parent2.posterous.com/bon-iver-doing-one-of-the-best-covers-ever

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Sat, 24 Mar 2012 11:23:55 -0700 Champagne and saveloy. Decadence extremists. http://parent2.posterous.com/champagne-and-saveloy-decadence-extremists http://parent2.posterous.com/champagne-and-saveloy-decadence-extremists

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Sat, 24 Mar 2012 10:51:59 -0700 Fish and chip supper as our pre theatre dinner. http://parent2.posterous.com/fish-and-chip-supper-as-our-pre-theatre-dinne http://parent2.posterous.com/fish-and-chip-supper-as-our-pre-theatre-dinne

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Thu, 22 Mar 2012 10:50:04 -0700 Off to heart @TheShins http://parent2.posterous.com/off-to-heart-theshins http://parent2.posterous.com/off-to-heart-theshins

I don’t think it’s any secret that I love I mean really, love music. Without music I am sure that my life would have been a much darker experience. There are times, still, when immersing myself in music is the only way I can gain any kind of balance in my day. Like some sort of crazy wandering around the house with headphones on. One of my greatest fears in life is the thought of not being able to hear music. *shudder*. But it’s not just the music. It’s the words. The ability to make me feel that any crazy thoughts or feelings I might be having are not unique to me. Other people have felt the same. The difference being that they have been able to articulate those feelings into words. Whereas I will have articulated same said feelings into bad-temper, silence, or some other equally unattractive trait. I guess it’s no coincidence that the less balanced, the less assured I feel the more music, the more words, I listen to. I have been listening to a lot of music over the last year.

Tonight I am going to see The Shins in London. This excites me greatly. They being an almost perfect combination of words and music. My ‘love’ of them has somewhat taken off in the last year. Given their last album was five years ago I have never seen them live so am looking forward to doing so muchly.

Here is a particularly super song from their latest album “Port of Morrow”.

And the beautiful, beautiful lyrics.

Died in the wool, you've been cornered by a natural desire
You want to hop along with the giddy throng through life
But how will you learn to steer when they're grinding all your gears?

You've been talking for hours
You say time will wash every tower to the sea
And now you've got this worry in your heart

Well I guess it's only life, it's only natural
We all spend a little while going down the rabbit hole
The things they taught you, they're lining up to haunt you
You got your back against the wall
I call you on the telephone, won't you pick up the receiver?

I've been down the very road you're walking now
It doesn't have to be so dark and lonesome
It takes a while but we can figure this thing out
And turn it back around

You used to be such a lion
Before you got into all this crying on my lap
Back when you thought I'd never get this far

But did you really think I'd shut an open door?
The future's calling and Imma answer her
The wheels in motion, I never drank your potion
And I know it breaks your heart
Open up your parachute, something's gotta stop the freefall

I've been down the very road you're walking now
It doesn't have to be so dark and lonesome
It takes a while but we can figure this thing out
And turn it back around

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Thu, 22 Mar 2012 09:39:18 -0700 First scan from the FMRIB 7T scanner. #whenworkhadapoint http://parent2.posterous.com/first-scan-from-the-fmrib-7t-scanner-whenwork http://parent2.posterous.com/first-scan-from-the-fmrib-7t-scanner-whenwork

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Sun, 18 Mar 2012 12:36:01 -0700 Separated at birth. http://parent2.posterous.com/separated-at-birth http://parent2.posterous.com/separated-at-birth

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Sun, 18 Mar 2012 04:06:09 -0700 Lulah continues to develop her clinical skills. http://parent2.posterous.com/lulah-continues-to-develop-her-clinical-skill http://parent2.posterous.com/lulah-continues-to-develop-her-clinical-skill

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Sat, 17 Mar 2012 08:44:58 -0700 The bloody MRC stand! http://parent2.posterous.com/the-bloody-mrc-stand http://parent2.posterous.com/the-bloody-mrc-stand

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Sat, 17 Mar 2012 06:44:38 -0700 Bang goes the theory. Apparently. http://parent2.posterous.com/bang-goes-the-theory-apparently http://parent2.posterous.com/bang-goes-the-theory-apparently

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Wed, 07 Mar 2012 08:05:44 -0800 Nice. http://parent2.posterous.com/nice http://parent2.posterous.com/nice

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Tue, 06 Mar 2012 04:59:34 -0800 Apparently this has fewer than 100 calories http://parent2.posterous.com/apparently-this-has-fewer-than-100-calories http://parent2.posterous.com/apparently-this-has-fewer-than-100-calories

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Mon, 05 Mar 2012 13:19:00 -0800 All a bit rubbish. http://parent2.posterous.com/all-a-bit-rubbish http://parent2.posterous.com/all-a-bit-rubbish

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There’s something about this photo I love. Grampa in the middle of either explaining or enquiring. The photographs of him and his grandchildren (as babies) in the background. The picture of me from  about 1980. The EPOXY 30.

Horace Ivan Price would have been 101 years old yesterday. We would have been there to celebrate his day with him. We would have taken some photos to add to those already on his wall, sweet things to eat, and our love. We would have had a wonderful day. But we didn’t.

Even now, almost a year after I held his hand as he took his final breaths, I can barely think about him without breaking down. It's taken two days of considerable effort and stress to write this. I find myself having to avoid thinking about someone who had such an enormous impact on me. Which is why it’s about time I wrote something down. 

Horace, Hor’ (to his wife), Dad, Grampa (to me), GG (to his great grandchildren) was a remarkable man. I can’t assume what he meant to others but I know what he meant to me and what I have lost as a result of his absence. As he got older and frailer I spent quite a lot of time considering just why he was so important to me, mainly as I feared his increasingly imminent death. The last days of his life were some of the most desperate days of my life. Willing him to die (to be at peace and free from pain and discomfort) whilst willing him to recover (to avoid my pain and discomfort). I sat through the night with him on each of those last few days thinking how this unassuming man had come to mean so much to me and how I would cope without him.

As it turns out I haven’t coped without him. Not really. The last year has been terribly hard. Harder than anyone has really realised, me included, until very recently. Even now I find it hard to articulate what I have lost and why things no longer feel *right*. Grampa was an extraordinarily selfless individual. His whole life – or the life of his that I knew – was dedicated to others. Especially his wife Gwen, my grandmother. Owing to her physical frailties Grampa was her full time carer from before I was born. She lived a long life – until she was 96 – and he was at her side caring for her, without interruption or respite, for many decades. He never complained or got frustrated or angry. He just lived his life caring for her. Towards the end of her life – when her caring requirements were becoming too demanding for a man himself in his late eighties – he would on occasion disappear to the garage (out of earshot) for a few minutes respite, the entire extent of selfishness that I ever saw him demonstrate. Other than those few minutes now and then he lived simply to keep her in her own home. He was an amazing husband.

But he wasn’t my husband he was my grandfather. I  admire him greatly for what he did for others (especially Grandma) and that is a big part of how he has affected me – showing how selfless people can be – but for me directly, well, he was just *always* there. And now he isn’t. I knew that whatever happened, whatever rubbish might happen to me (or what I felt was rubbish), whatever mistakes I would make, he would be there to squeeze my hand (with his powerful grip), to listen to whatever crazy fad I was into at the time, to say his little sayings and for those hours together everything in the world would seem just fine. And I would leave – still with the mess and mistakes – but reminded that there was someone who simply cared for me, for who I was and what I’d done (whatever it was) and just wished me happiness. I don’t think I’d appreciated just how much security I took from my relationship with him. And now I don’t have it. It’s me. My messes. My mistakes. No welshcakes. No sitting at the top of his garden watching the sunset. No picking raspberries and gooseberries. No fires on the beach. No bolthole. And of course over the last 15 years I haven’t really felt so much the need for such security but his and its departure seems to have coincided with a feeling of needing it more than I have for a long time. Maybe it’s just the same as when I lose my asthma inhaler and my chest immediately seems to tighten.

I just wish he was here. I wish I could call him now and say I was going to go down and see him Saturday. But I can’t. And the fact that I can’t is, quite frankly, rubbish.

 

You've sung the glories

Lived a million short stories

And the tales that you told will

No doubt outlast your years

But the heavy lead arteries

And the cameras in your blood stream

And the heartbeats from your batteries

Ticking slower and slower and still


 

 

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Sun, 04 Mar 2012 09:50:33 -0800 We all need fantastic fascia. http://parent2.posterous.com/we-all-need-fantastic-fascia http://parent2.posterous.com/we-all-need-fantastic-fascia

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Fri, 02 Mar 2012 14:05:35 -0800 A nice gottle of here to end the week. http://parent2.posterous.com/a-nice-gottle-of-here-to-end-the-week http://parent2.posterous.com/a-nice-gottle-of-here-to-end-the-week

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